I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
