just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
