woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
