i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
