Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
