you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
