I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
