I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
