he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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