Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
