Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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