I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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