OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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