Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
