I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
