Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
