Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im holly from the hills drunk
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
