last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
