Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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