she woke up with a sticky ear
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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