It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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