And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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