apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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