nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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