Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
