A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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