i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So many bounce houses so little time
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
