oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
