You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
