I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
