i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
