why didn't you poke me back
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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