can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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