i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
