It's Friday. Sex?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
