time to smoke my breakfast
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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