Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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