I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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