i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
