I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Its about making memories worth repressing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
