oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it fun? or sober?
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