We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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