I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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