He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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