Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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