I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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