singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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