Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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