I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i'm inner monologue high
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
