If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
