the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
