i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
then he tried to convert me to islam
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
