a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
