we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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