We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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