You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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