Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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