STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
