im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
