3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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