Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
