We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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