I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
