oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
