u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
