I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
