i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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