the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize