she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
