Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
